you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
