Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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