I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
