Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
