i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
