On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
