He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You're like the curious george of whores
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
