Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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