She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
