actually, I'm a sock model
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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