do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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