I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
