The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
