i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize