So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
