so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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