my sisters under your porch take her home
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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