I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
