He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
