Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
