Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
