my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
