He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
