Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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