I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize