i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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