is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Even my vagina gasped.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
