imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
