hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
