i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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