47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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