I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
