if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
