I think I died a long time ago.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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