is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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