If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
