Cold hands, warm shart.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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