perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
