Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize