Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
