Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
