We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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