I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
jump out the window naked night went bad
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
