My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
