Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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