a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
