I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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