Nicole vs. Life
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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