He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize