Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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