My sheets look like a crime scene.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
