I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
