I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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