i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
