awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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