I hope mine doesn't look like that
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
