recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
