so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize