Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
