I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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