It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
