i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
