why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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