my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
