just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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