I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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