i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
