He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
