Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
