my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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