Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
