I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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