On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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