My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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